Chairman of the Floorboards

Trump's name must be all over the Epstein files. He is to be considered a child-rapist until we see evidence otherwise.

When you begin to hear the absolute batshit crazy-pants stuff coming out of Quantico today, and it is stupifyingly bat-shitty, keep in mind that the U.S. military has contingency plans for everything, and that includes enemies to this country "both foreign and domestic."

That includes the excutive, legislative and judicial branches of the government.

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Some "highlights" of today's Warrior-Ethos-O-Rama today. (Bat-shittery has been modified for effect):

Hegseth: "You all serve President Trump, not the Constitution, capiche'? All soldiers will be men from now on and they'll be trim and beardless because it looks bad on TV. And our soldiers won't have to worry about silly rape charges any longer. We're also now all anti-DEI, all the time. And buy my book! I'm not just up here for my health, y'know."

Trump: "Why aren't you all standing and applauding and throwing hats and babies in the air when I walked in? Why so quiet? You don't like me? Well, you can just eave!"

Trump: "The major cities are my enemy, and the Democrats who live there are now enemies of the state. We'll use those cities for training grounds for my military. I'm even gonna my have own cool A-Team to crack a few heads, pronto, if anyone gets uppity. And if the public spits on our soldiers, and they're literally covered in Antifa slobber, they get to spit back."

Trump: "My brilliant name of the Department of War will actually stop wars. We don't need bullets or bombs or diplomacy. Just a name. I'm just that geniusy."

Trump: "We have the best military leadership ever, except the one's I don't like. As for the rest of you, we're watching you. Oh, yeah, we're watching. We see everything."

Trump: "We need more battleships. And none of those wimpy aluminum ones. They're gonna be made of steel from now on. And they're gonna be pretty, not ugly. Pretty-pretty-pretty. And, you won't believe this, bullets are cheaper than missiles. Yeah, I know!"

Trump makes allusions to Nazi code words and made vague threats towards people from "the Congo". Bitches more about the Gulf of Mexico. Reveals that he's a'skeered of stairs. Whines about his buddy, Putin, failing to subdue Ukraine even with Trump's "help".

Trump: "They call me the President of NATO. AND WHERE'S MY GODDAMN NOBEL PEACE PRIZE, GENERALS? WHERE?"

I'm out.

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Do you know why researchers don't just give pregnant women Tylenol and then see if the baby comes out autistic?

BECAUSE YOU DON'T EXPERIMENT THAT WAY ON PREGNANT WOMEN, YA GODDAMN MORONS!

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This past weekend I cooked-up some plant-based breakfast sausages for me and Ms. Magoomba. Her opinion on them was unfavorable, mostly because she did not find them 100% similar to the dead animal version of which she was familiar.

Her reaction led me to a theory that had humans been historically chowing-down on the plant-based sausage all along we would become nauseated if presented with a version described as "The ground meat of one or more animals stuffed into segments of their intestines. Primarily the less desirable parts of the animals, heavily spiced to mask the taste and smell of decomposition and requiring exposure to high heat for long periods of time to kill the bacteria it is laden with."

Bon appetit.

- Lefty