the Shoe Has A Fit
many of you remember all the words to "the
old woman who lives in a shoe" nursery rhyme?
I didn't, so I looked it up.
It's so grim I almost used it
verbatim as the third
story in today's comic:
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn't know what
She gave them some broth without any bread;
Then whipped them all soundly and put them to
I shudder to think that somewhere in this country,
in some upper-middle class bedroom community,
little girl is entreating her mommy to read her
story about the mean lady again.
George Carlin died two years
ago last June. Lord, I miss that human. On those
rare days I can't get the humor juices flowing
I thumb through
his books for a little demented inspiration.
I particularly enjoy Napalm & Silly Putty with Brain
Droppings and When
Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? in a dead
heat for second place.
It's a different experience reading generally
the same words he'd previously committed to recordings.
slow it down and take the joke apart, explore
the nuance. Best of all, I hear it in my head
as though he's reading it specifically to me.
Allow me to share some of my favorite Carlinism's:
"That grey-haired douchebag, Barbara Bush, has
a slogan: 'Encourage your child to read
every day.' What she should be doing is
encouraging children to question what
they read every day."
"Here's how to get rid of counterfeit money...
put it in the collection plate at church."
"Have you ever been on trial for murder? It's
weird, you don't know what to do with yourself.
Singing is out. I mostly just stare at the judge."
"It used to be you got a tattoo because nobody
had one. Now people get them because everyone's
"You know the good part about all those executions
in Texas? Fewer Texans."
About today's cartoon: It's
come to my attention that this particular Raging
Pencils comic has
been advertised on several social linking sites
Bedtime Stories" and that some potential
readers have arrived at this page expecting to
of sick, deliciously twisted conservative porn.
Sorry, honey, but this ain't
Fox News, you diseased little info-monkey.