I am no longer an atheist.
For one thing, it's a really useless word. Long
ago some well-intentioned soul took the word "theist" and
slapped an "a" in
front of it and declared it a good enough descriptor
for the likes of us heretic rabble, but it's
as ridiculous as me calling myself an arepublican
So from this day forth
I'm an Einsteinian. As a direct result of the dedicated works of Saint Albert
I take great personal solace in knowing theoretically
was created and how life
on Earth evolved. It's all the simple result
of hideously-complicated physics and genetics.
Unlike the Bible, which is a dead end in so many ways,
my new gospel, this Book of Knowledge, is almost a living
thing, virtually vibrating with the excitement of amended
information and accumulated data. "Prove me wrong!" it pleads,
as opposed to "Take my word for it or burn in Hell."
I know it's a bit audacious to toss around words like "saint" but
there are ecclesiastical comparisons. After all, Mr. Einstein's
mother was a virgin (at some point in her life) and he was
born in a 'stable' environment. And, like Jesus, he was in
his early thirties when his divination was recognized, though
luckily for us no one nailed him to anything.
The best part of my new orthodoxy is that they
already teach it to our children in SCHOOL!