You Take This Fool...?
"Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage." - Shakespeare
was married on April Fool's
Really! No joke.
We had planned on getting married on
Halloween but you know how crazy things
are around the holidays.
Actually, I wasn't planning on getting
married at all. Wasn't even thinking
I was too busy starving as a newly-fledged
commercial artist to consider adding
a wife to the portfolio.
So one day, five years into the relationship, when I wasn't paying strict enough
attention to what I was doing, she asked me if I wanted to do the honorable thing,
figuring correctly that I wasn't bright enough to figure out how to ask her.
I always thought singing and tap-dancing was required for such advanced relational
God damn Fred Astaire.
I, of course, said yes. After all, you know, what the heck? Besides, she was
the loveliest woman I'd ever known and she laughed at most of my jokes. (This,
incidentally, describes 99% of all the women in my life. The 1% remains the sole
property of Kathryn Denebara, who used to pound the snot out of me on the bus
on the way to grade school every morning.)
Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and Valentines Day all flew past and, before
we know it, it's suddenly April 1st and we both have a hankering to do the doity
We took our vows in a tiny judge's office in downtown Dallas, the perimeter of
the walls of which were festooned with the heads of a dozen or so very surprised
I, personally, was wearing a Morris the Cat t-shrt.
No, we weren't on drugs. We were artistes.
I don't remember what she wore that day, it wasn't anything white, but I do remember,
during a post-nuptial dinner, looking at the face I'd known for five years and
suddenly noticing that it wasn't perfectly symmetrical... and mentioning to her.
These two things paint a vivid picture of why the marriage lasted only five years.
Although it wasn't the most auspicious of days to tie the knot I have since discovered
it had two redeeming benefits.
The frist is that it's impossible to forget your wedding day. That alone has
several of you out there reconsidering my sanity, or lack thereof.
The second benefit is that the card I always send her each year always says the
same thing... "Happy anniversary, Darling. I was a fool to ever let you
go. I miss you and I will always love you. April Fools. Sincerely, Mike".
I also send a copy to her lawyer.
Addendum: I've received a few emails todays stating that
I'm perhaps being too harsh on Republicans in this comic,
that Democrats are just as full of hot air as as the GOP.
Let me go on record by stating that I could never be too harsh
on Republicans as I think it's clear they're despicable self-interested, un-American
swine. Case in point:
Before all the votes had been counted in Tuesday's election in New York between
Republican Jim Tedisco and Democrat Scott Murphy, Mr. Tedisco's people filed
an ex parte motion.
Now go and Google "ex parte". I'll wait.
As you'll see, I'm actually being pretty nice about it.