All the News Unfit To Print

History Time for future social archeologists!

Karoline Leavitt, famous for an oversized chest, her inability to answer a question without spitting venom, and her artificially inflated oral labia, was appointed the White House's press secretary in November of 2024. She decided to quit in the summer of 2026 because Trump loved Natalie "The Printer" Harp more.

Who? I shall explain.

While on a trip to Ankara, Turkey, presumably to share new and exciting butt-stenches with the members of NATO, Trump was sent a message by Israeli spooks that Iran had targeted his Persian Hotel-In-the-Sky Bribery-Jet 2000 for a Big Kerblooey using drones that Pete Hegseth was absolutely 100% SURE he had already destroyed. Several times. And will destroy again!

Since the Oaf of Office doesn't trust anyone, especially the security department he hand-picked, Naptime Donny took the Israeli rumor at face value and skeedadled off to the second Air force 1 (another long story) in an airline caterer's truck while disguised, most likely, as a sack of expired pork tacos.

The Ballroom Bastard took only a handfull of close associates with him to the escape plane, one of which was notably NOT Karoline Leavitt. But one of those which were impossible for Hamburger Boy to leave behind was Natalie Harp, better known to one and all as "Trump's printer".

Natalie is, as stomach-churning as it sounds, hopelessly devoted to Mango Mussolini. In her own words she has said that she would do literally ANYTHNG for him and (maybe you better sit down for this one) she bears more than a passing resemblance to Ivanka. Yeah, that Ivanka.

Ewww.

Natalie's only job is to keep her boss happy. One would think that all she needs to do is to jingle a set of keys in front of her loved one's eyes. Instead, she continually scours the 'net searching for images that would thrill and delight her Mango Monarch, usually Ai photos that portray him in heroic fashion, up to but not limited to Jesus himself. She carries a portable printer with her at all times (and probably a diaper bag filled with, well, diapers for, well, the love of her life's frequent incontinence) which she uses frequently to print off and wave colorful images in front of her boss's little piggy eyes, thus keeping him from igniting world war III because his Big Mac arrived with too few pickles.

In a way, we have Harp to thank because it's possible she actually had a hand in ending the era of the Leavitt. Maybe Harp can run the replacement (who could very likely be one of the living dead) off, too.

Meanwhile sailors are starving on U.S. Navy aircraft carriers because the current heads of America's military are busy destroying U.S. military capability on the orders the Traitorous Turd's best friend, Vladimir Putin.

Another lonnnnng story.

-Lefty