Patreonly Fans

This is quite the phenomenon, especially on Reddit's /r/comic section. I never thought I'd see so many male humans handing over so much cash to cartoon women, like they're real people. (I strongly suspect many of these "women" are created and drawn by men who know exactly which buttons to push to elicit funds.)

I'm sure Ai will be getting into the act soon with sexy female avatars accepting credit card info from their perspective suitors.

I guess I can't totally blame these lonely and desperate dudes, but at least when I was thirteen and I beat-off to Sue Storm I only paid ten cents.

And, yes, there is a bit of jealousy on my part as I have a small, though appreciated, audience of Patreon-ers myself. But I understand that good intentions aren't as marketable as raw hormones and I can live with it.

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Todd Blanche, Trump's lawyer, who may lose his law license after attempting to grift the Treasury of $1.8 billion dollars for the benefit of his demented boss, wants to be the Attorney General.

He's also the chap who has repeatedly told Epstein's victims to politely f*ck-off while treating their convicted perp, Ghislaine Maxwell, to a low-security lock-up and a free puppy.

And during his confirmation hearing he made the significant oopsie when he said "I'm Trump's lawyer, uh, I WAS his lawyer."

(In Truth: He'll be Trump's lawyer until Trump eventually tosses him under the first convenient bus.)

One might say Blanche's qualifications to be the Attorney General are <ahem> suspect since he will obviously do anything for his sun-downing client. Which is frightening because...

Last May the head of the Federal Bureau of Prisons, appointed by Trump, signed a new rule that gives the AG the power to determine where prisoners will serve out their sentences.

Not the jury, not the judge, not the local legal bureaucracy. The U.S. Attorney General. Otherwise known as "Trump's other asshole".

This means Trump's enemies, no matter how minimal their federal crimes (like, maybe, pool vandalizing) could be sent to super-max prisons, the hell-holes where they keep the worst of the worst. The AG's decision will be final as there is no review mechanism in this new rule.

And MAGA? They'll get a free puppy.

Contact your Senator today and tell them to vote "NO" on Todd Blanche. Thanks!

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Pete "Lesstosterone" Hegseth was before Congress recently lying about the actual cost and actual number of casualties incurred by Trump's, uh, whatever it is in Iran. If I may quote him exactly, "NUKES NUKES NUKES NUKES NUKES NUKES NUKES NUKES and NUKES! Gimme a trillion dollahs or I'll cut ya!"

Meanwhile, after cramming the words "Look out! Iran's got a nuke! No, really!" into the mouths of soldiers who recently died as a result of his, uh, whatever it is in Iran, the Orange Oaf of Office held a rally in a Georgia high school (evidently because the local Chuck E. Cheese was booked) in front of an assortment of students and faculty that, by all appearances, would have rather been cutting a long gash in the reflecting pool with a rusty Trump phone.

At said rally the following information was shared by His Nincompoopness:

- Communists are going to blow up Mount Rushmore. (Just like it says in "Dick & Jane & Boots the Wonder Weasel Uncover A Marxist Terror Cell.")

- There's a great new healthcare plan called [checks notes] "Our Great New Healthcare Plan" that will, and I quote His Grossness "Take the money we give to the insurance companies and give it to the people, who will then give it back to the insurance companies." It's win-win-hit-your-head-with-a-hammer, people!

- Claimed he beat Senator Jon Ossoff in... something....before stating that Ossoff resembles that famous guy, you know him, you love him, everyone's favorite... Pinky Herman. (I used Google's Dementia-to-English translator to determine he meant PeeWee Herman. Probably.)

- Our cities are suffering severe and violent damage by men playing women's sports. (Presumably tennis, golf, and seeing how long it takes their husbands to notice their new hair-do.) The verb he actually used was "ravaged" but I checked Dictionary.com to see if he was pulling an inappropriate word out of his fat ass.

He was.

The End. Thanks for making it this far. (And the secret word is "aortal dissection". When you hear it, and I hope it's soon, scream real loud.)

-Lefty