Awww, Shoot!

For those who don't understand why nothing in this country makes sense any longer, here's the simple explanation...

Trump works for Vladimir Putin, and he has for decades.

This changes nothing but at least now you know.

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The press, or what's left of it, must ask Trump these three questions every day:

1. Can you prove you didn't rape those children?
2. Why do you always do everything Putin says?
3. What the fuck is wrong with you?

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Rep. Ilhan Omar was sprayed with some unknown fluid last night by a Trump supporter. Trump addressed the attack by saying that Omar "probably sprayed herself".

That's an intriguing knee-jerk response. It's as though the guy saying it has some experience with self-planned assassination attempts.

Fun Fact: Cartilage does not grow back but Trump's ear is in perfect condition... the only thing about him that qualifies for the description.

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An open letter to Donald Jessica Trump;

Dear Donald; You’ve done so much in your life.

Financially you’ve prospered by finding the right Russian and Saudi Arabian brokers to prop up your business ventures, even when the businesses went bankrupt. You’ve also done very well for yourself by inspiring the less-educated to invest in your enterprises, assuring them that giving money to a billionaire with limited experience in governance is in their best interest. Way to go, you bloody genius!

As President you have certainly made your mark on this country. Rather than wasting your time formulating intricately interwoven plans to perfect the democratic-socialist paradise the Leftist’s have been desiring for decades you instead used an iron fist on their soft heads to remind them that nothing is free. If history is any judge you'll never have trouble from a starving, abused, over-taxed rabble.

You also taught every measly, two-bit, shit-hole nation on Earth a lesson with your brilliant tariffs. Never again will foreign companies take America for granted and will always, forevermore, be looking over their shoulders for the next super-manliest gut-punch to inevitably come from the smartliest U.S. president ever.

As for the ladies, what can I say? You’ve had your way with them all these years, you dog. Not only have you deflowered countless teenagers but you, and you alone, have buried a wife on a golf course, married a woman you impregnated out of wedlock, and then married another to whom you were introduced to by the owner and operator of your favorite island resort. (What was his name again?) When you go to Heaven I’m sure all of God’s angels will adore and sing praises for your blessed penis.

What I’m getting at here, Mr. President, is that, as the most mature and intelligent president to ever swing a Sharpie in the Oval Office perhaps you have conquered every financial and political world possible. So perhaps it’s time for you to consider dying.

I know that sounds impertinent, maybe even radical, because we all know you would make the finest 48th, 49th and 50th U.S. dictator ever. But you understand how ratings work. Better to go out on top rather than just fade away. Right, sir? And right now your polls are like no other. Yes, no other president has polls like yours. No sireee-bob!

The question you might have right now is how to go about this, and I would recommend that, if at all possible, that you consider passing away in your sleep. That way you’ll get pity from the majority of Independents and you'll avoid the endless scorn and ridicule from those deranged leftists as they watch, on endless repeat, a final video of you, for instance, missing a step on AF1 and tumbling head first down the steps, bouncing your magnificent head off each riser (thump-thump-thump) all the way to the bottom.

But it’s your call, Mr. President. I'm sure Uber Eats would be happy to double your Quarter-Pounder deliveries should you decide to fall on your spork for the good of the country.

All the best.

- Lefty