Trumpstein!

When Liarpants McFirepants said he ended his friendship with Epstein after he "stole people that worked for me" he should have added "one who was blond, underaged and looked like Ivanka."

That girl was Virginia Giuffre, who "committed suicide" earlier this year. Yes, THIS year.

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Another disturbing detail regarding Virginia Giuffre, the teenaged "masseuse", who Trump claimed was "stolen" from him by Jeffrey Epstein...

It's been over twenty years since that incident but Trump still remembers the name of someone whom, one might think, was just another employee at Mar-a-Lago.

Trump often forgets the name of his own cabinet members but he certainly remembered Virginia when asked.

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What do we know about the Epstein suicide thus far?

Bondi lied. The 2 guards lied. The shift lieutenant lied. The people claiming it was raw video lied. The camera with an actual view wasn't working. The guards supposed to check him every 30 minutes just didn't do it. The guards falsified log entries. Epstein was supposed to have a second prisoner as cellmate and didn't. And there are multiple tamperings with the video they did provide. And I don't have a source but heard his neck was broken in 3 places which supposedly you can't do yourself.

And no one who was responsible for monitoring the highest profile inmate, on suicide watch, were reprimanded or disciplined for this failure.

At this point it's way more reasonable to believe this was not a suicide.

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FirePants McLiarpants signed a new executive order recently which affords employees of businesses the opportunity to openly proselytize while at work.

This makes me rather sad that I work alone as I have some really strong opinions about Kanaloa the squid god and his sensible traveling tips.

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(The following is just me attempt to powerwash accumulated doom-scrolling from my poor brain.)

In my neighborhood are two similar roads, both six lanes wide, divided by a median and posted at 40MPH. For all intents and purpose they're identical.

On one road my car is content to tootle along at the posted speed, the tires gently humming a happy tune as we sail together towards my destination. This road and my car coexist in perfect harmony.

The other road, though, has seen some shit. It's a bad girl that refuses to follow the rules of The Man, daddy-o! When my car hits her pavement I can hear her siren wail of "Faster, baby. Give me all you've got!" rise to a crescendo with each passing street sign.

I grip the wheel and stare helplessly at the speedometer as the lusty beast that dwells within my car's greasy black heart surges towards the wild, dark places its mother warned it about and, before I know it, I'm exceeding the speed limit!

AIEEEEEE!

I call this "The Patty Duke Effect", where one road adores a minuet and crepes suzette while a hot dog makes the other lose control.

You could lose your mind.

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See you in August!

- Lefty