Take It Or Leave It

"Patriotism isn't about making everyone stand and salute the flag. Patriotism is about making a country where everyone wants to." - Jason Kander

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The following are a few excerpts from my new book "How To Commit Murder and Get Away With It".

Chapter One: Pass laws in your state that makes it almost impossible for women to get life-saving abortions.

Chapter Two: Join the police force in a southern town, or any town for that matter. Shoot whoever you like but, as a rule, it's much more effective to target minorities.

Chapter Three: Become the head of Health and Human Services and then shut down access to modern vaccines.

Chapter Four: When a world-wide pandemic sweeps the globe use your podcast to spread racist-tinged conspiracy theories in order to convince as many people as possible to ignore basic hygiene. Also, recommend equine deworming medicine as a cure-all for viral infections.

Chapter Five: Either start or become the head of a health insurance company.

Chapter Six: Become an expert in defenestration. Go work for Vladimir Putin.

Chapter Seven: Open a bank and launder South American drug money.

Chapter Eight: Sell or manufacture guns. (America only)

Chapter Nine: If ever a rich, doddering narcissist is installed as president in your country, through the aid of a foreign power, pledge to him your troth and allow him to appoint you as head of the military. Claim anyone you choose to bomb had drugs on them.

Chapter Ten: Become part of a vast oil consortium and spend miniscule amounts of money from crude oil sales convincing drivers that the idea of melting glaciers is only a myth perpetrated by scientific eggheads.

Chapter Eleven: Eliminate funding, without warning, for food supplies to needy areas around the world.

Chapter Twelve: Encourage your aging ex-wife, whose NDA's with you are about to expire, to live in a residence that has a long, tall stairway. Just sayin'.

- Lefty