Tryin' To Wash Us Away

Louisiana's got their Ten Commandments, which is all about guilt and punishment. I got my own version, which relies more on self-awareness:

1. Honor this planet for thy children must live in the one you leave behind.
2. Thou shalt not kill thy environment.
3. Thou art all pink on the inside and share the same DNA. You are all related.
4. Thou art a bipedal meat-puppet guided by a raging chemical slumgullion of hormones. Deal with it.
5. There is no such thing as "sin", but mental disorders are real.
6. Thou shalt beware of imaginary friends and those who say it needs money.
7. Read more than just one book.
8. Remember the peer-reviewed research and keep it holy.
9. Knowest thou that, contrary to public opinion, this the only life you shall ever have.
10. Thou shalt not use Middle English to make declarations sound all mystical and shit. Oh… wait.

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It's time to feed the cats so I grab the bag and notice it's labeled "C*t Ch*w Complete".

"Complete"? Complete what?

So I read the back and it says "For cats to live their best and brightest, their food needs the right balance of protein, fats, carbs and great taste". The next sentence is not, as you might hope, "And that's in every bag of this stuff!".

Uh, no.

It goes on to double-speak "That's the purpose of our Cornerstones of Nutrition, your guide to ensuring the nutrients in our food, including chicken and omega-6, are balanced and delicious."

Basically, "You need to read the list of ingredients, Jack, and try not to read too much into the words 'chicken by-product meal'".

So "complete" in this case is just a word slapped on the bag to increase its marketing throw-weight. Like the words "green", "low-fat", or "eco-friendly". Shame on them.

In any case, this stuff is described by veterinarians as "diabetes in a bag" but we buy it because it's cheap. Shame on us, really.

- Lefty