Story Time!

Paul was once a pro football player married to a wild and lusty cheerleader named Misty. Someday, he always told himself, he'd remove the tattoo of her name on his bicep but for now it was crossed out. Above it was a different name, Helen, his new wife.

Paul met Helen, an army nurse and a recent divorcee, in a field hospital in Iraq. Having left football and Misty behind for the sake of his country Paul one day found himself on the wrong end of a firefight in Baghdad, waking up in a hospital one eye and one testicle short. His lovely and attendant nurse made him soon forget his wounds and it wasn't long before the two traded gold rings in a quiet ceremony at a desert oasis.

At the moment he and Helen were making wild, passionate love on their dining room table amidst the remnants of a lobster dinner they shared after returning from evening mass. Bits of shell flew everywhere, and clarified butter soaked Helen's low-cut silk/rayon dress and Paul's wool-blend suit, but they didn't care.

As Paul reached the peak of ecstasy he pulled out of his lovely wife and finished on her thigh. Helen, a good Catholic, sighed to herself, thankful for having such a thoughtful husband.

Suddenly, a naked madman kicked down the door and rushed in with a Louisville slugger in his hands. He ignored Helen and went straight for Paul, raising the club to strike a deadly blow.

Helen was frantic to help her husband but she was hardly the fighting type, so she did the only thing she could... she grabbed the assailant by the testicles and hung on for dear life.

The madman now realized he'd lost control of the situation so he quickly shrugged Helen off and staggered for the door, disappearing into the night, screaming like an animal.

And this is why Paul and Helen both went to Hell.

=Lefty=