Scientist
Humor.
 A
fellow accidentally ingested some alpha-L-glucose and discovered
that he had no ill effects. Apparently he was ambidextrose.
----------
A bloke walks into a pub, and asks for a pint of Adenosinetriphosphate.
The barman says "That'll be 80p (ATP) please!"
(note
100p = £1, and ATP is short for Adenosinetriphosphate,
but you already knew that.)
--------
Some genetic researchers were studying Acinonyx jubatus to
find out why he had a high abnormal sperm count. They gave
a group of these animals a histocompatibility (tissue-type)
test.
"This is singular," observed one to the other. "Every
one of these cats gave the same answers."
"Aw," drawled the other, "they're all a bunch
of cheetahs.
-------
Did
you hear about the biologist who had twins? She baptized
one and kept the other as a control.
-------
Q: What tool is used to measure a hole in the head?
A: A Phineas gage.
------------
Q: Why didn't the dendrochronologist get married?
A: All he ever dated was trees!
------------
Q: What is the only thing worse than a mecium?
A: A Paramecium
-----------
Q: What does the H. in Jesus H. Christ stand for?
A: In order of increasing groans:
1: Hallowed.
2: Harold. (As in, "Harold be thy name.)
3: Haploid. (Best of all.)
-----------
Q: As what did the antibody go to the Halloween costume party?
A: As an "immunogobulin".
-----------
Q: What's a biologists definition of a graph?
A: An animal with a long neck
-----------
Adenine proposing to guanine:"You know dear, mismatches are made in heaven".
-----------
What did one thermophilic bacteriologist say online to another?
"I think you are really hot. Your PCR mine?"
-----------
There are some happy sciences, but others are not so happy. A case in point concerns
embryologists who tend to be a morose and saddened group than most. No wonder.
One of the first things they learn is that our lives are ova before they've
begun.
---------
A red blood cell walked into a busy restaurant. The hostess asked, "Would you
like to sit at the bar?"
The red cell answered, "No thanks, I'll
just circulate.
------------
How do you recognize a native American cell biologist?
He lives in ATP!
------------
A neutron walked into a bar and asked, "How much for a drink?" The
bartender replied, "For you, no charge."
------------
They were the first to attempt to colonize Mars. They knew it would be difficult
, but they were determined to succeed.
They had landed with grass seeds to plant and embryos of horse, sheep and cattle.
But the grass wouldn't grow, and none of the calves survived. The horses and
sheep were doing well, but there not enough animals to meet their needs.
So they sent a message to earth asking for more sheep and horses and a replacement
for the cattle and grass. They particularly wanted an animal that could be used
as meat in place of beef.
Earth radioed back asking if venison would be satisfactory and the colonists
replied it was.
Finally a space shuttle arrived with the needed supplies. The bill of lading
was rushed to the leader of the colony who then spoke to his consul, "we
got everything we asked for," he shouted. . . . "They sent mare zygotes
and doe zygotes and little lambs and ivy."
=mike=
|
