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The Agony of The Public

If someone started, say, a professional rhythmic gymnastics league in 32 cities around the world I'm pretty sure the attendance would be… modest. If by "modest" you mean the athlete's parents, a handful of easily manipulated friends, plus whoever came in second place at a local karaoke contest and won the free ticket package rather than that extra-yummy, super-humongous platter of jalapeno poppers.

Multiply this obscure "sport" by about fifty, mush them all together in one exotic locale, call it the "Olympics" and suddenly we're supposed to be interested? Really? Trampolining? Competitive sailing? Racewalking? Those aren't sports, those are novelty categories in the back of Guinness World Records.

Worse, not only did a team of sports journalists prepare a 30-minute backstory of, say, one particular racewalker (Probably. I don't know.) but somewhere, someone is sitting on their couch happily prepared to watch the damn thing as though there was a teat on it tomorrow.

At least the Olympics had the good sense to occasionally discontinue certain questionable events like rope-climbing, club swinging, and (I am not kidding) the All-Around Dumbbell Contest but somehow golf, on hiatus from the Olympics for a few years, was back for Rio 2016. Man, fuck that elitist crappola. Gimme that Aztec game where teams of players fight to maneuver a small leather ball through a tiny goal ten feet off the ground, using only their feet, and the losing team DIES. Now THERE'S a sport for you.

I personally don't need the Olympics as I think it's just one huge, luridly-expensive occasion for chicanery and corruption, borne on the backs of the people and the athletes, and profited from mightily by the organizers.

I watched exactly one Olympic event and that was the soccer finals between Germany and Spain Brazil. That's a real sport, one that millions of people follow, one that actually pays for itself and has players we'll actually hear from again between now and the next Olympics. (And, oh yes, basketball. But the American squad is just an all-star team we cobble together every few years from an available pool of millionaire atheletes to assure ourselves of another medal in a sport we invented. Yeah, real sporting of us.)


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