Brain-Wading Time

Stuff that's cluttering my notes:

While pretending to run for president Trump pretends to hate Mexicans but he also ran a pretend university, for which he's being sued. Trump pretends that the judge in the case is not only a Mexican but that he also hates Trump. Trump then pretends that Mexicans can't hate Trump. Trump pretends that only Trump can pretend to hate.

The Nazis always wanted a nuclear weapon. Now, with Trump, they have their chance.

In the movie Zootopia citizens ate plants which made them become psychotic and dangerous but the police didn't shoot them because there are no guns. Why should a cartoon make better sense than real life?

According to Trump when you go to home Depot to find a good sheetrock man all you'll find are judges and rapists.

Republicans need a self-destruct button in their voting booths. It'll work exactly like the "Vote now" button.

Lefty's definition of "mixed emotion": Watching an armed gunman going into a school and shooting up all the electronic voting booths.

Jesus was nonhygroscopic.

The U.S. spent $4 billion on a new warship that is essentially useless. They ought to sell it to a vacation cruise company and call it "The Maginot Line".

U.S. Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes once said "Taxes are the price we pay for a civilized society",
which explains why Republicans always want to lower taxes. (For the rich, anyway.)

If you use elevators and fly in commercial airliners you need to quit saying you'll never ride in a self-driving car.

Conservatives don't like legal prostitution because it means sex without babies, and babies drive the economy. Simple as that.

Genius is said to be one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration, but contemporary genius is one-hundred percent inheritance, a shit-load of patent-trolling, and the perspiration of the ninety-nine percent.

This election season is dominated by two celebrities, which is proof that advertising works perfectly on weak minds.

Drink, smoke, over-eat, do drugs, never exercise and believe that pills will solve all your ills? Good luck with that.

There's an old saying that you judge a person by how he treats the waiter. We should change that to "... how he treats the water."

Ear-worms are just the spirits of dead musicians saying "Hey! Remember this one?" which explains why ear-worms are always the shitty music as the cooler spirits know you'll buy their mp3s anyway.

"Religious Freedom" literally means "any ridiculous thing I can imagine".

Hitler could have been a great  painter instead of a war-monger. That's why we all should support the arts.

A woman needs a Republican congressman like a fish needs a bicycle made of glass shards and poison ivy.

We need an extra star on the U.S. flag, to commemorate the Police State.

People who like guns, because guns, need to be "well-regulated" because they're full of crap.

There may not be canals on Mars but the hot tubs on Venus are evidently really bitchin'.

Dog paleontologists would probably study the Dead Sea Squirrels.

If you use a time machine to bring someone from the past our pathogens would kill them. If you traveled into the past, your germs would kill millions. If you travel into the future you would die from disease. That's how evolution works.

Climate change is a reverse Noah story. Someday the remnants of humanity will be gathered on a flooded mountaintop, accompanied by the remaining animals, furiously building a boat.

Success in this country is now measured by the quality of lawyer one can afford.

Republicans want to drown government in a bath-tub... full of lead-poisoned frack-water.

There are people who have an enlarged racism gland. We call it a "Trumphoma".

The Bible should be renamed "Imaginary Friends for Dummies".

A conservative's prayer: "And thank you, Lord, for black people, an easily identifiable demographic I can simultaneously abuse and blame for all my problems."

Why don't they simply have priests consecrate that lead-poisoned water in Michigan. That'll work, right?

Humans are being enslaved by machines. They're called "electronic voting booths".

Women's judgment is unique because there's a heart between their clitoris and their brains. Men's brain are in their pants.

Once this "transgender" thing blows over the GOP will need another scapegoat. My money's on either vegetarians or Prius drivers.

Cats are smarter than humans because they only lick their ass. They never vote for it.

=Lefty=