God Nose

"Good evening. This is the 6 O'Clock News. I'm your host, Ted Napalm."

"And I'm Ellen Wellin-Mellin, filling in for Gloria Transit, who is sick tonight."

"Our top story this evening: A crazed gunman kills seventeen and wounds nine in a school shooting in Louisville, Kentucky. It was God's will."

"God's will."

"In China, a massive landslide in Quang Ho province killed over 100 tofu production trainees and wounded three water buffalo. It was God's will."

"God's will."

"In Rhodesia, South Africa, 1000s of sparrows have been falling from the sky. Possibly random chance but we're not taking any chances. It's God's will."

"God's will."

"And now over to our chief meteorologist, Hugh Middity, with the weather."

"Thanks, Ted. As you can see by the map God has formed a huge low-pressure front over the midwestern plains which has so far resulted in at least 13 tonadoes. They're moving directly into trailer park country so you folks out there better start praying, even though you can't really thwart God's will."

"God's will."

"And now here's Red Ruffansore with the sports."

"Thanks, Hugh. Today we had a full slate of NFL games and every one of them ended in a tie. Reports are that God was busy picking up a friend at the airport and was unable to favor one team over another. Perhaps next week's games will fare better. Ted?"

"Thanks, Red. That's it for all of us here at the 6 O'Clock News. Thank you for joining us and have a good evening being capriciously micro-managed by God."

=Lefty=