comics every Monday, Wednesday & Friday.
Raging Pencils by
Mike "Huggy-bunny" Stanfill
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Your Marks. Get Set. Click.
"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria....I
saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing." -
Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator
Story Short: Once every four years is too soon.
can hardly wait for the Olympics to begin. That way, they'll
be over sooner and we can get back to important things like
bridge maintenance and random lawn jockey demolition.
I don't know about you, but I began losing interest in the
whole damn proposition about the time Rhythmic Gymnastics
and Synchronized Swimming were added to the roster.
and Freestyle Eyebrow Plucking.
Look, to me sporting events should be judged in absolutes.
Which individual can jump highest, throw longest, run farthest
or fart loudest. This rule would automatically exclude team
sports as they're not about individual achievement. Frankly,
other fat guys on the 440-meter relay team just drag the
average of the fastest guy down, anyway.
I'm sure that particular viewpoint will be very unpopular
but think about it... any jerkoff can
set of rules
for a new and bizarre sport involving groups of individuals
and a large wedge of Gouda cheese and eventually get it added
to the Olympic schedule. But this logically means that the
number of new
At the rate we're currently adding games by the year 3012
the Olympics will not be just every four years, but
a four-year-long event.
The Games That Never End.
Brought to you by Haliburton. "You deserve a war today".
The big problem for me are these
recently-added events designed specifically to broaden the
Olympic's female demographic. Frankly, I could care less
what you can do with a piece of ribbon, a hoop and Enya's
Greatest Hits unless it involves
a pair of split-crotch panties and a quart of Aunt Jemima
pancake syrup. Then I'll Tivo the sumbitch and put it on
like sports that are judged by how "pretty" the
performance is then put it on the Estrogen Channel,
call it the Vagina Monogolympics and be done with it.
This is all just common sense, folks. We don't all
appreciate baseball, football, basketball etc. equally,
save for those
who will use any excuse to avoid talking to the wife.
If one size truly fitted all then why not just lump in
the Special Olympics and the Para Olympics to the main
and get it all out of the way at once?
I'm just sayin'.
Senatorial hopeful Al Franken draws
a perfect map of the USA
while answering questions. A pretty neat trick. Good
Last Additional Spleen-Venting Snark
(This is Bruce Tinsley's Mallard Fillmore comic from 8-4-08)
Yes, Bruce, let's not mention the fact that the McCain's
are poised to make a zillion dollars in profits from
Mr. Tinsley is obviously a man who could stand and watch Cindy McCain pilot her
private jet six feet over his head, trailing the carcasses of a hundred unborn
kittens on fish-hooks, and still remain composed enough to wonder out loud what
brand of French-made mousse Mr. Obama might use on his hair.
People like Bruce Tinsley are why the words "tar" and "feathers" became
so closely associated. Unfortunately, newspapers own all the feathers
and Republicans control the strategic tar reserves.
Today's Google Chow.
Aliens vs. Bush vs. Roe vs. Wade
"Hello, Dick? I was just, uh, wondering how married we are to this whole
"pro-life" thing.... oh, no reason."